One of my favorite poems.
I love the words in this poem..
Invictus
Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.
In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.
Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.
It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll.
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.
By William Ernest Henley
Well had a bit of a panic attack today
A new season
The Baltimore Marathon
Well I did it.. I still cannot believe that I did.. Even now 2 days later I am still floating on a euphoric thoughts of the race. I came into work and some people looked at me and said “wow man I did not think you would even be here today and you are walking so well” That just made me think that people really do not believe that they can do it.
I ran most of the marathon and only had to walk in parts of the last half. After miles 18 and again at mile 22. Well I kind had to walk on and off from mile 22 on. It was hard race and all the pain was worth it for sure. I never wanted to quit. That thought just did not cross my mind. I did want it to end. It was sad to see people quit at the 20 mile mark. I guess they had reached their limit. Running the race lifted me and gave me something that I have not felt in a long time. It made me feel like I could do anything and was kinda like a high. No I did not get runners high, but I did feel on top of the world. Still do! What a fantastic feeling.
It was funny later that night after I was home. I was already thinking how I could change how I trained and what I should do to get a faster time. I was already thinking of next year less than 2 hour from finishing the race. I knew when I was running the race I would have to do it again. I was also very happy that I raised $671 for the Green Beret Foundation. Next year I want to have a sub 5 hour race.
So many things about this race were just right. I am happy that Baltimore was my 1st 1/2 marathon and 1st full marathon. The other funny thing was that the ribbon and bib color were red, my favorite color. I so wished that I had done it much earlier in my life. But things are what they are and I am with a spouse that supports my running. Well she just supports me in general. For that I am lucky and grateful . Love you Dame.
Small bitch
Ok so I love the show Criminal Minds but I am see something more and more on TV and last night episode was no exception.. It was about a special ops operator ( in this case a Navy seal) who lost it and was killing people. I see more and more of this . It is always the special ops guys or war vets loosing it. It just pisses me off .. sometimes it makes it look like they are a bomb just looking to go off and kill a ton of people.. How sad is it that the very people who go into harms way are looked at with some crazy distain . I am starting to wander if the far left is trying to do what it did during Vietnam. I hope not .. but if they are you are on notice we as a nation will not let you destroy the very people that protect you freedom to call them crazy..
Random thoughts , very random
Ok so I am less than 2 weeks out of my race.. For the most part I am calm about it..Funny how I would look at 26.2 miles and go I cannot do that, I am too old and fat.. Well those thoughts are gone. I know I can do this and make it all come together. I want this so bad.. and running bug has bitten me again because a 50k does not seem that much more than what I am going to do. Well I will be slow but finish and plan for the next one. I will just stick to the F.I.D.O plan ( fuck it and drive on)
Ever since I retired from the military it seems like life is so different well it was even different when I left group and went to the Air guard. Life is not bad just very different . I really never thought that I would be where I am . Doing what I am for a living. I am a grunt turned into a computer geek. Ok so I am a geek with guns but still. I am kinda like what I do it pays the bills and I do work with some great people. But at the end of the day it is just work and I do it because I can. It is not really fulfilling. Just a job not like defending the nation. I still believe I am a sheepdog just waiting to use old skills.
I am lucky to be marry to a very wonderful woman . She is a very multi talented woman who do loves me very much.. For this I am very grateful. She is the light of my life. I love see her kick ass in her writing. She really do it right and I am very proud of her she really love it and never gives up. One day I know her books will be published and loved by many.
It is so funny when you are in the military sometimes you bitch about all the stupid shit that you have to do.. trust me there is a ton of it. But I was lucky to have made some of the best friends and have some amazing life experiences. I learned to push my self and that has effected me all my life. Even now I really do miss it. I kinda feel guilty ( ok so I do feel really guilty) that I am not fighting across the pond.. Some days I wake up and ask myself “what hell are you doing man .. you should be there. You still have one good war in you” It is hard really hard at times . ok so like I said very random thoughts