New blog for training and events.

I have decided  to create a new blog with my training stuff on it.. I have a linked tab so it will be easy to find..  as well as a link  here   Al 's training blog .  I just wanted to get a knew start on my running and training. . I am keeping this blog for everything else..

Squats make you run faster

It has been some time since my last post

It has been sometime from my last post so here is the quick and dirty

I have been fighting a few things.

1. a nasty cold  that I just cannot seem to get rid of.. a few weeks now. So that has put me back on my training goals.  I am getting better slowly.

2. I am going to finally  quit smoking this year.. I need to do this and the training will help. I cut back on my smoking but  fell into a pack a day again.. Hate that feel like I am letting myself down .

Food for thought

Here you go just watch it and think of the words and not who is saying them.

 

 

"It's not about how hard you can hit, it's about how hard you can get hit, and keep moving forward."  -Rocky Balboa-

Why an Ironman race.

I guess the question that people look at me is ask  is  “Why in the hell do you want to do that? That is impossible! “ Really  I  get that. Or I get the look and  indifference of it. It funny when you think about it. I try just to look at it and say what the hell why not..  I t makes me think well ok now you have to do it. You have to push and see what you can do now.  How far can you push? How far can you go?   Well I can say I will go all the way.. Just like the phoenix Tat that I have .. I will rise to the challenge and do this..

 

 

Because I can and will..  Just like  William Ernest Henley says in his poem Invictus.. “ I am the master of my fate; I am the captain of my soul. 

 

It is a mind game that I have to win .. It is easy to give up , to submit to doubt. To say I cannot do this.. and what will I think of myself tomorrow and the next day.  The funniest part I fear most is failure.. Failure to complete the race , Failure to start.. Failure to meet my expectation of myself.

What the hell am I thinking? Random stuff

Ok so  I get ideas … some good some not so good.. Well  Now I am thinking that I need to do my tri this year.. Ok so not just a Tri but a half Ironman.. I think I am going to try and train for a full  but run a half.  I joined the YMCA .. One because it is close  and to because it is cheaper than the other health club that I was at.  I went online and found the Beginner Triathlete  site that has plans as well as support. I still use my TraingPeaks but for this race I feel this will give me the most  help. If you are thinking about a tri then I would start here.

I have most of my  stuff that I need and with all the running that I need to do what the hell why not.  I can only fail if I do not try.  Besides I am tired of being tired  .. I need to loose some of this weight that I keep bitching about but do noting to get it gone..I looked and found a race in MD that is close and the full and 1/2 Ironman distance. ChesapeakeMan Endurance Festival. This one looks like a real kick in the butt kinda race.. All I need to do is take inventory of my old tri stuff figure out what I need  and make it all happen.  I mean the race is in Sep 2013 so I have time.. Not much but some time to make this happen.

 

I saw this  and it make you think I want that..

 

 

and this one I will do that

 

The Day after

No matted how you feel about the election.. We all need to work this out together.. We need to pull together as a nation and remember what the founding  idea was.. So today it is not about who you voted for but where do we go from here as a nation and people.. .

Link from Baltimore Sun at Ocean City , MD and Sandy

One of my favorite poems.

I love the words in this poem..

 

Invictus

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.
In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.
Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.
It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll.
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

 

By William Ernest Henley

Well had a bit of a panic attack today

So I ran last night.. run was slow.. and the pups ran with me so they were all over the place  last night.. anyway I did not load my data from my Garmin 205 gps into my log. I woke up and was going to perform the upload and my Garmin died. Panic attack big time.. I have had this thing for years now and it has never failed me.. and today it did , well I thought so.. Thank god for youtube. I found a guy that gave some tips on how to fix the issue with a hard reset.. It did fix the issue and my workout from last night was still there. I need to keep an eye on this one now.. I am going to start looking for a new / used Garmin. I am sure that I want a 610 but that is some bucks.. Not sure if I am going to invest in that one yet.. we shall see what a ebay/ craigslist turns up.  

A new season

I am determined to make this season of training my best.  I am going to run a few races that I have been on my radar for some time. Some of these have been on for a few years now,  the Shamrock in Virginia beach VA  as well as a  North Face challenge 50K.  GORUCK  BALTIMORE  is this on for this year. If you do not know what that is on my links page and see the fun that I am going to have. I really good friend of mine is going to do this one with me. In the process of doing these runs I am raising money for the Green Beret Foundation. I am going to try and raise 5k for the shamrock run and the 50k. We shall see how that goes. in 2011 I only raised 600 for the foundation. I just need to make the time and put the work in. Wish me luck.   

The Baltimore Marathon

Well I did it.. I still  cannot believe that I did.. Even now 2 days later I am still floating on a euphoric thoughts of the race. I came into work and some people looked at me and said “wow  man I did not think you would even be here today and you are walking so well”   That just made me think that people really do not believe that they can do it.

 

I ran most of the marathon and only had to walk in parts of the last half. After miles 18 and again at mile 22. Well I kind had to walk on and off  from mile 22 on.  It was hard race and all the pain was worth it for sure. I never wanted to quit. That thought just did not cross my mind.  I did want it to end. It was sad to see people quit at the 20 mile mark. I guess they had reached their limit. Running the race lifted me and gave me something that I have not felt in a long time. It made me feel like I could do anything and was kinda like a high. No I did not get runners high, but I did feel on top of the world.  Still do! What a fantastic feeling.

It was funny later that night after I was home. I was already thinking how I could change how I trained and what I should do to get a faster time. I was already thinking of next year less than 2 hour from finishing the race. I knew when I was running the race I would have to do it again. I was also very happy that I raised $671 for the Green Beret Foundation. Next year I want to have a sub 5 hour race.

 

So many things about this race were just right.  I am happy that Baltimore was my 1st 1/2 marathon and  1st full marathon. The other funny thing was that the ribbon and bib color were red, my favorite  color.   I so wished that I had done it much earlier in my life.  But things are what they are and I am with a spouse that supports my running.  Well she just supports me in general. For that I am lucky and grateful . Love you Dame.

Small bitch

Ok so I love the show  Criminal  Minds   but I am see something more and more on TV and last night episode was no exception.. It was about a special ops operator ( in this case a Navy seal) who lost it and was killing people. I see more and more of this . It is always the special ops guys or war vets loosing it.  It just pisses me off .. sometimes it makes it look like they are a bomb just looking to go off and kill a ton of people.. How sad is it that the very people who go into harms way  are looked at with some crazy distain .  I am starting to wander if the far left is trying to do what it did during Vietnam. I hope not .. but if they are  you are on notice we as a nation will not let you destroy the very people that protect you freedom to call them  crazy.. 

Random thoughts , very random

Ok so I am less than 2 weeks out of my race..  For the most part I am calm about it..Funny how I would look at 26.2 miles and go I cannot do that, I am too old and fat.. Well those thoughts are gone. I know I can do this and make it all come together. I want this so bad.. and running bug has bitten me again because a 50k does not seem that much more than what I am going to do. Well I will be slow but finish and plan for the next one. I will just stick to the F.I.D.O plan  ( fuck it and drive on)

 

Ever since I retired from the military it seems like life is so different well it was even different when I left group and went to the Air guard. Life is not bad just  very different . I really never thought that I would be where I am .  Doing what I am for a living. I am a grunt turned into a computer geek. Ok so I am a geek with guns but still. I am kinda like what I do  it pays the bills and I do work with some great people. But at the end of the day it is just work and I do it because I can. It is not really fulfilling. Just a job not like defending the nation. I still believe I am a sheepdog just waiting to use old skills.

 

I am lucky to be marry to a very wonderful woman . She is a very multi talented woman who do loves me very much.. For this I am very grateful. She is the light of my life. I love see her kick ass in her writing. She really do it right and I am very proud of her she really love it and never gives up. One day I know her books will be published and loved by many.

 

It is so funny when you are in the military sometimes you bitch about all the stupid shit that you have to do.. trust me there is a ton of it. But I was lucky to have made some of the best friends  and have some amazing life experiences.  I learned to push my self and that has effected me all my life. Even now I really do miss it. I kinda feel guilty ( ok so I do feel really guilty)  that I am not fighting across the pond.. Some days I wake up and ask myself “what hell are you doing man .. you should be there.  You still have one good war in you”  It is hard  really hard at times .  ok so  like I said very random thoughts

Running again

Well  I am back to running.. Something I loved before I hurt myself.. I  missed for sure. I am so ready to do Baltimore  Full marathon. Last week I got a 20 miler in and it went well. I was sore for a few days but not bad. I tend to run slow , for some maybe too slow but I do not quit. I hate the feeling that I gave up on myself. So I never let that play in my mind. I just keep pushing on. Must be the old soldier in me.

 

I have been  lucky over the last few years to make some really great friend running. I am truly blessed that I have met some great people . Running has really enriched my life for sure. and has given me some time of great joy.  So thank you to my running friends.

 

I am already planning next year season.. A 50k  for sure  and maybe a the JFK 50 mile run. It will be the 50th anniversary for the race and it would be really cool to do that one.. That would mean allot of hard training. Well we shall see. It not the hard training that  will get me it is the time.. and the fact of winter training. I would much rather run in the heat.   Well I guess I will just have to stick with the FIDO ( Fuck it and drive on) attitude. These runs are part of my bucket list for sure.

Well I am doing it again

Well I am thinking about running a 50k in the summer. I hope that I can keep this up. I started with some basic research tonight and a strong walk with the dogs. I will need to build my base running first then I know in march I start hard. Well we shall see. I will keep working on the base.

2010 a year of hope and dreams

Well 2009 was a hell year. Now I am hoping for a great year filled with hope and dreams. Dreams for me as well as for Dame. I have really started to work on my photography and photoshop work. I am having fun with that. I created a photoblogg. Started going to meetups and generally learn what I can from the web.  So we shall see what I do with that.
I started working at a new job. I hope this one goes well. It was a hard year of being laid off twice. I think I worked maybe 6 months. I like where I work now. I believe I have some potential to grew there for sure.
I am a grand father wow that is a scary one. But I have a great grandchild for sure as you can see below.

Cancer and how I really feel about it.

I am really just venting here so so of this will make sense some will not ...some may say you are just a puss . I for the most part have never told anyone anything here and reall do not fucking care if you think I am a puss for saying so.. I am at this time in my life just trying to get ride of some baggage and work threw some issues.. so if you think I am a pussy for say what I am going to then I pray you never have to walk a day in my shoes and live any part of my passed except the good parts..

Well I have to say that I hate cancer and what it did to me. It sucks . Ok so I have been running around saying I am ok and lucky to be here. That is all true but there is some stuff that I do not say. Like how I hate the fact that it put so much stress on my marriage and how itr still effects it today.. It really made things hard . We had to put a hold on life for a year. A whole year of not knowing if I was going to be ok or just Fuckin waste away. need extra stuff.. and that BS about god gives you what you can handle.. is said by people that have not lived my like so please do not say that to me.. Yes I am a bit bitter about that.. A year of stress that just added to a marriage that was still young and already had gone threw some stress of other sorts. I feel sometimes that we were lucky that we have made it this far.. I know marriages take work and all that bs but they do not need this stress added to them. That stress changed allot of stuff between Dame and myself. Before Cancer I was her hero, the one who do all and save all.. the knight in shining armor.. I was a guy how was not afraid of anything and willing to risk all for her. Then cancer and the armor was gone and i could not been able to say her or protect her... How could she keep the same vision of me.. she could not, hell no one could I was a weak & frail piece of shit ( these are my thoughts and Dame never said anything like this to me so if any one starts messing withe her on this know that a warring order has been issues and I will kick some ass if you fuck with her). It is unimportant that it was not my fault or not my control it still fucked me at the end of the day.. I am lucky that she staid with me at all. To this day I am not sure why? I kills me that almost 5 years later I am still dealing with issues from it that effect my life with Dame. What a fuckin mess.

I hate how it changed my body chemistry. It changed how I smell... During the fun process of the Kemo I smelled like a nasty chemical factory.. It is a wounder that Dame wanted to be with me at all.. I think I gave the fun parts of the NJ turnpike a run for it s money. Seem like a trivial thing but not if you are sleeping next to him or want to make love to him.. The one of very important things that helps keep a couple together was put on hold for a year ..You can say that sex is not important but it is.. it was like ripping a larger chunk of glue from the relationship I know that I do not smell the same way that I did but I do smell different.. not like I did before kemo and not like it was during kemo just different.. yet an other change to me that Dame had to adjust to.
Seems that now I have at times a hard time focusing. Keeping my mind on track. Things are not always clear as they used to be. It is not the normal stress stuff but a real mind wander.. My dyslexia is worse. My balance is fucked. Hard as hell to ride a bike. I am hoping a motorcycle will be easier.. maybe not smart but fuck it it is on my bucket list and will be done.. so no comments needed on the safety of this.. Well we shall see what fun and adventure awaits me on the bike. I am lucky that I could do the 2 tris that I did. I hate how it ate my time doing the Bike part. And lets not forget about my depression .. That in itself could be a whole fuckin blog. All I am going to say that is depression sucks and is not to be made fun of ever.. and lets not for get what it did to my belly .. we lest say that I never know how close I need to be to a bathroom.. well ok I do know usually close.. I stomach seems to have no tolerance for allot of things.... I need not say more here.. I know I sould be happy to be here but I feel that I have the right to say what I am.
Weight gain and loss.. Seems that it is bad enough that I am getting older and weight comes off slow if at all.. then canser had to fuck me and make it even harder.. in that one of the med destroyed my lungs.. they will never be up to par so the one thing that I love doing is so much harder Running.. It is very hard to breath sometimes. then there is just loosing the wieght that I have put on in general again a pain in the ass to get off ..

I hate how it was a excuse for my Ex to pulled the kids from me. She did it so easily. It is no wonder that I divorced her. I could not believe that she had gone so low as to keep them from me. I thought about them everyday. I still miss them and think of them daily.. This is one of those places that if you have not been there please do not give me advise on how I need to reconnect.. Well that is all that I want to say about that.

I hate what it did to my job and career. I was happy and doing a great job but after I just never got back to where I was .. It was impossible and people had put impossible expectations apron me. I just wanted to say "Hey asshole I am fighting for my life and you are worried that I did not finish a ticket . And I told you that I would not get it done" Well Fuck you. All I want to say here with out pointing fingers..

It took so much of my time from me. Time from my kids ( both sets of kids Stepp and bio) , time from my wife. time from me.. Fuckin time is so limited. I wonder why I fought so hard to say here .. fuckin canser was eating me alive and it would have been better maybe to just move one to the next thing maybe.. Yes I do think now that maybe dying would have been easier and I would not have put so much of a strain on so many.. I know not what you all expected and if you have pitty for me or feel sorry I will kick your ass .. I am not looking for thatI will say what kept me going .. I know it now most people have heard me say that it was the soldier inside.. well that is not true.. It was Dame and the thought that I would not be with her that kept me going.. I have learned what it is to have a wife that you love with all your heart. She is the reason that I fought so fuckin hard. I could not imagine anything with out her. I can not to day.. I know it sounds corny and mussy.. well too fuckin bad. but on the other edge of the sword how could I hurt and inflect so much stress on the very person that I love so very much.. and to tell you the truth I feel like shit about it.. I hurt something that I love more than myself and it is unforgivable. Maybe one day forgiveness will come..

Please do me a favor if you read this do not start feeding me about God and how I am blessed to be here.. I am in no mood to here that and unless you have had censer you have ground to stand on.. this is just something that was on my mind.. I think that in reference to this year and the stress that iit has brought these were some thing on my mind.

Well here we go ...

I ahave been say for sometime now .. "it is what it is" well fuck that the new is going to be " it is what I will make it " Fate can kiss my ass..

Well one thing on my bucket list is getting done….I hope.

I am working on getting my bike fixed up.. yes I am getting a motorcycle.. I know it is not safe and it may not be the best thing for a 43 year old man to do but .. I need to do this I missed doing this years ago.. Now I can get a bike well this bike for nothing and just fix it up and ride.  She might not look like much to any one else but she is perfect to me.. 

 

I was not sure what her name was .. yes I was going to name her.. and my wife gave her the name of Vixen.. I think it fits so to any one who cares meet Vixen a 1985 Kawasaki ZX 600a. with 29k on the odometer.